About the middle way solutions

One of the several reasons why I’m so strict about the nonviolence solutions is that there are people who, when they are drugging people, are truly thinking that they are, for example, ‘good doers’ or secretly medicating ‘sick people’.

Often they are instructed not to tell to the ‘sick people’ or their lawyers about the sickness or medication. The reason given for the silence is the sick people’s sickness that should be hidden from the sick people because of their sickness. Other given reason is often the good doers goodness for the world and the ideology.

I hope people would be very cautious if they start to think themselves as good doers or that they would be part of happiness system or ‘fixing others’ system. That kind of ideas should always awake alarms. Even when people’s own intentions would be very sincere or innocence.

Instead of “good” or “bad” I would ask people to focus to the amount of control (or control-less) and hierarchy inside their doings. And what they actually do as actions, and does it in the end fit to the idea what do they want to increase in the world and done also to themselves.

I would be especially cautious with physical control in any system, specially when it is wrapped with all the beautiful ideas and goodness. It’s not an accident that I’m repeatingly ending up to be drugged – even people have many times realised that drugging me has been based on a scam and wrong decisions. Not everyone in this game is a ‘good guy’.

Let’s say this more directly: Not just that I’m repeatingly ending to be drugged but that people are repeatingly ending up to drug the others as a part of their solution for their system. Behind that there are games and hierarchy which I personally wouldn’t support in any possible situation.

When people compromise the ‘middle way’ solution to be in the middle of the other people’s squares, it’s not truly a middle way. Thinking, where people would put the middle way when the solution would be concretely in their own personal square, makes easier to evaluate the decisions and the causes – which kind of rules people are creating for the world where they are living in.

For myself is easier to think compromises and the causes by thinking what is the median I’m causing to the others with the compromises I do. Then thinking myself below the median, or even better, trading myself below the median and then trying to move the median itself with my own actions.

If and when I’m ready to see the true median and below. Sometimes is too easy to trick ownself to stay more comfortable.

Anna

I urge:
1. Physical (also neurophysical) self-determination for everyone used by the ideology: concrete solution.
2. A clear and simple procedure and tools to deny and report, for people asked to drug people.
3. Forbid drugging

Hunger Strike, day 6 – Fail and revealing The Solution

I was planning to write today how I’m preparing tomorrows feast. I got fever yesterday and through the night. Fever got down by now but I decided to eat today. Juice and oats for lunch and evening potato, left over from fridge. It’s quite an amount after having five days just water.

During the strike the appreciation toward food rises. All the flavours are more tasty, also old vegetables are very precious and it would feel waste to eat fast, feels good to focus to every moment of taste. Also repairing a few bites to eat turns to be almost a ritual. After twenty days full strike effect was more strong than now but still food has a different value now.

And of course this all means that the hunger strike and self control is failing now already on 6th day. I know that I need to start the strike again. People haven’t solve the system they have made to control people and their rights, others of course, neither how to leave out people who don’t want to be part of their doings nor ideology. I hate hunger striking but this needs to be solved, especially the drugging – for my health and for other used (currently and in the future) health and future.

I think it would be good to make a research in the network how many of people in the ideology would truly accept that others would start to take their whole life and environment to use for years without their permission, start to sell them and start to drug them if they wouldn’t be how is wanted – or by the manipulation. Not everyone in this system is a “good guy”. And people change in the network.

There could be people who would want to be used, I believe, but from my part I can say that I’m not. I prefer equality. My life has been four years of lies, abuse and violence. I live, which is good, but without possibility to have a home, to travel, to eat, to have personal relationships, any unmanipulated conversations or rights to my own body or self-determination. I’m cutted out from society and from my own life. Even the situation is better than two or one years ago, which is generally a good thing.

There has been also good sides during these years but the realities of used people’s rights should be said aloud and also the fact that the system is about increasing inequality, hierarchy and control step by step. And it should be possible to be said aloud without rising violence. I thank you people who are working for that all the time. I appreciate it a lot.

There would be one very simple solution for people’s needs to have other people as their projects. To ask. To ask honestly and directly from the people that other people think to take for they use and give for used people also a possibility to jump out when using people are loosing their own control (they always do, that’s a nature of human mind and hierarchy) and eventually start, for example, to drug or use any other forms of extreme control.

I personally would end the whole human experiment program and offer people other possibilities and tools than other human beings, when realistic.

Anna

Hunger Strike, day 3

The beginning of the hunger strike is the hardest. I would so much feel to eat. All the smells are more strong. Brains have not yet switched off the feelings of hunger. I don’t like this. But even less I would like to eat drugged food.

I thank you all working behind the fact that nowadays is more possible to stand for people’s rights and that the situation with extreme control and amount of chemicals has been started to develop to downward. It has been possible to see the actual results of the development.

But it hasn’t been stopped and now the direction seems to be changed again. And I don’t tolerate a grow of a physical violence at all. Especially not in nowadays world and not in any reality. The fences between two artificial world are not high. Neither I accept any of those chemicals that has been fed to me nor the games played behind the drugs. I prefer malnourishment.

In this situation better to say aloud to everyone that I support my current owner from the choices of life I have. He has ears every now and then. That’s a bit of hope for equality or for life. People don’t have permission to sell me further now.

Back to the basics. Self-determination. Own body. Own square. Drugging = Violence.

Anna

I urge:
1. Physical (also neurophysical) self-determination for everyone used by the ideology: concrete solution.
2. A clear and simple procedure and tools to deny and report, for people asked to drug people.
3. Forbid drugging

Open letter to Denis

Would you let me to take our environment to my use? Would you let me to rule every people around you? Would you let me to feed you with chemicals? Would you let me to drug you? Would you let me to make you life as a TV show? Would you?

I’m asking: Would you?

How about would you let a person you don’t know to do that? Because that’s what you are for me, a stranger. You have had a possibility to collect data about me, you have had a possibility follow every movement I make, every word I speak, every twitch of my eyes when the others speak, collect every detail about me. I haven’t had that possibility about you.

Would you call this equality? Would you?

What is trust? Trust is ability to be naked front of the others. Trust is to be vulnerable front of the others. Trust is to be small, sad and wounded and still not be afraid and still not hide.

Would you do that front of me?

The last four years and everyday of my current live has been a life that I would not hope for anyone. And that won’t change by teaching me to trust or by teaching me to love or be loved.

Anna

Hidden control is more control, not less control, because it includes also control of knowledge.

I have written about the principle of the smaller control. This is how it goes so far:

  • Control should be addressed only toward control.
  • If equality is not truly possible then the bigger control can be replaced with the smaller control – if it leads toward down-warding control. Replacer is controller and should be controlled – with smaller amount of control.
  • Too less control doesn’t decrease amount of control. But the smallest possible amount of control or the most accurate finding of control in chains of control and controlms gives the ‘biggest’ possible result for decreasing control.
  • Hidden control is more control, not less control, because it includes also control of knowledge.
  • Manipulative control is more control, not less control, because it includes also control of knowledge.
  • Drugging and any other physical violence is extreme control and makes people to be controllers, extreme controllers. Replacing extreme control with another type of control or less amount of control makes people to be extreme controllers or controllers.
  • Forms of control should be changed, moved, made more visible and/or questioned frequently because people get used to the forms of control. Control that cannot be recognized/chosen is more control because it doesn’t include freedom of choice.
  • Amount of freedom (freedoms to / freedoms from / freedoms in) cannot be increased by controlling freedoms or people who are wanted to be more free for freedoms to, freedoms from or freedoms in. Amount of freedom can be increased by controlling control or controlms.

Anna

Time to shut down the broadcast

I have been drugged last time yesterday. That was a cocktail of several drugs. The dose was not high but very noticeable. One of the ingredients was a drug that I’m calling as an ‘angry drug’, one of the side symptoms is irritation and one is sound sensitivity for sounds of certain frequency.

That drug has had two different versions, also version which makes, beside the sounds, also all the colours and forms to look too bright, sharp and coloured. The drug has promised to been shelved first time in July 2015 by the people who, for a reason or another, had an idea that they are good doers.

It hasn’t been shelved.

But that drug doesn’t cause also the problems of sight that I had yesterday evening neither the ‘hang over’ which I’m having right now, the day after. Drug cocktails has been quite usual recently. Not healthy.

I haven’t eaten today yet, but because I was also drugged day before yesterday (different cocktail), I can assume that I’ll still be drugged several times. At the moment I have a cup of coffee next to me. Haven’t taken a sip yet. Don’t know do I.

During these years I have asked direct dialogue from many people involved. I have asked it by written and by spoken, I have asked it directly and indirectly. So far I haven’t gotten it so I’m continuing with my monologue – continuing waiting dialogue and keeping my monologue going on. I have already gotten more reciprocity and honestly than earlier, so I’m positive. Situation is not easy but people are making effort and finding new forms to express themselves.

I don’t personally think that all that has been done during these game could be opened now, maybe never, but I think that the current situation and people’s doings could be improved and it has been improved from the past situations. It is also very necessary. Now I’m not talking just about the leading characters, I’m talking mainly about basic, ordinary people. Solutions hardly ever really lies behind the power.

I have written often about control. I don’t personally like that nowadays so many are ready to take more high level control decisions than low level control decisions. I think that that kind of direction leads to rising amount of control. What I mean by that is that for example a dialogue, if it’s truly honest and sincere by every participants, is not much about control but more about freedom. Freedom of knowledge and openness. But now people are more likely to do high level control, drugging, hiding data, even open violence, than having a pure, naked and honest conversation about themselves.

Everyone involved are having their impact to the situation. That’s why I’m trying my best from my part to be more open. It has become more easy again now when the amount of drugs and hidden violence and threads toward other people and me has been more decreasing than increasing for now. It has been decreasing linearly, amount as a whole, even I have kept my mouth open. That’s a new thing and a good job. Thank you all working behind that.

I haven’t have ‘normal’ unmanipulated communication or truthful human contacts for more than two years because of the project. People’s project with my life has, as a whole, taken four years for now. During the years I have asked people to tell or write down why do they have the project, their own personal reasons in themselves. I haven’t gotten the answer, except from one person – a gesture which I appreciate a lot – he told about himself. The project is not made for true honestly, which makes that gesture even rebellion, which is sort of funny.

Why am I in the project? What are my own reasons? So far I don’t have options, that’s the first reason. Inside the tight limits and borders created by people’s behavior I’m making choices and acting in a way which I consider the less wrong from the options I have inside the project. One is trying to create a possibility for people to not to be other’s projects.

One more of the reasons is to reduce and prevent rising violence and control and try to offer also from my part other options to develop the situation as much as I can inside the limits made by the other’s and inside the limits of my own skills and values (-> combination, result of interaction, the current freedom “in” / out from/of).

Project with my life is used too much also for the intentions which are not good, even there are still people trying to change it, which is and has been important. People are doing good job but I don’t think that keeping the project on would truly effectively support change and new perspectives – at least not giving change for me.

Time to shut down the broadcast and end the project. I’ll continue my monologue here in my blog. It will eventually transform to a truthful face to face dialogue with someone when possible. I’ll write in the future about control and freedom, of course – my usual subjects, but also about sex and love…

Anna

P.S. I took a sip. It’s seems to be clean. Thumps up that I’m right on that.

Epätäydellisyys on tärkeää

Hyvä kirjoittaa välillä omalla äidinkielellä. Olen ollut tyytyväinen, että olen voinut nykyään ilmaista itseäni myös englanniksi kohtuullisella tasolla, omassa mittaristossani hyvin. Olen aikoinaan luullut, että vieraiden kielien oppiminen on ulottumattomissani. Eipäs ole ollutkaan, kun sallin itselleni kielioppivirheet ja hassut sanavalinnat – tarkoituksella tai vahingossa.

Virheiden tekeminen ja omien epätäydellisyyksien salliminen opettaa itselleni tietynlaista ymmärrystä myös – itseä ja muita kohtaan. Sen lisäksi se on usein hauskaa, siis tutkailla omia ‘epätäydellisyyksiään’ – mitä se sitten milloinkin tarkoittaakaan. Olen nauttinut monet sisäiset naurut itsekseni kuluneiden vuosien ja kuukausien aikana, erityisesti tutkiessani omaa alitajuista ilmaisuani.

Käsitys ‘epätäydellisyydestä’ on aina häilyvä ja elää omien käsitysten ja ympäristön vaikutusten ja siitä opitun mukana. Antaminen olla, salliminen, on tärkeää, mutta kaiken salliminen tai hyväksyminen ei kuitenkaan ole itsetarkoitus.

Yksi asioista, joita minun on vaikea hyväksyä on listauksia ihmisideaaleista ja ideaalista elämästä. Ideologiassa, jonka käytössä olen, sellaiset ovat olleet yksi avain intoleranttisuuteen jopa siinä määrin, että ihmiset ovat alkaneet huostaanottaa ideaalien vastaisia tai sellaisiksi väitettyjä ihmisiä. Ihmisiä, jotka eivät vastaa heidän toiveitaan ja/tai maailmankuvaa – epätäydellisyyksiä.

Äärimmillään ideologian nimissä on tieteellisesti määritelty ‘onnettomia’ tai väärällä tavalla onnellisia ihmisiä ja jopa kokonaisia perheitä tai sukuja, jotka ja joiden ympäristö on kuulunut huostaanottaa. Luotu hierarkia ja siihen liittyvä ohjailu on aiheuttanut paljon lieveilmiöitä, joiden parissa moni erityisesti ideologian sisällä pyrkii vaikuttamaan – suuntaan tai toiseen.

On epätodennäköistä, että täydellistä maailmanjärjestystä koskaan luodaan, parempi ehkä. Mutten usko, että sitä tälläkään kertaa historiassa tehtäisiin poistamalla ‘epätäydellisyyksiä’ ihmisistä saati ‘epätäydellisiä’ ihmisiä. Itse en usko ihmisten välisen hierarkian ja intoleranttisuuden lisäämiseen tämänhetkisessä maailmantilanteessa enkä siksi voi sellaista kehityssuuntaa tukea.

Ideologia elää ja muuttuu, mikä on mielestäni hyvä, mutta se on silti rakenteeltaan, periaatteiltaan ja suunnaltaan vahvasti vastoin minun omatuntoani.

Anna

About compromising

By the people in the ideology I have been claimed many times to be a person who doesn’t compromise. Now it’s time to reply for that.

I think that life is quite often about compromising enough but not too much. I’m doing my compromising as much as possible with my own life and body. I think I should not compromise firstly with the other’s lifes, but the most mine. Compromising with the other’s lifes is not ‘staying in the own square’ or respecting other’s ‘squares’.

That’s why it is, for me, more natural to have a hunger strike for everyone’s rights than start to beat the others for everyone’s rights.

That’s why it is, for me, more logical to undress myself naked for everyone’s rights than try to have others naked for everyone’s rights.

That’s also why I cannot accept ideology which is based on people compromising with other’s lifes. I don’t believe that it would lead to things that I consider good in the world.

And when abused persons’ physical self-determination is taken from them, the limit of ‘compromising too much’ has been already much more earlier – from everyone’s point of view I think.

But yes, people should eventually find a solution to cut me outside the system they have created, from every level and stratum, also from all the other levels than just ‘North-Korean level’.

I think that that solution is not about ‘targets not compromising enough or too much’ for the ideology and people in the ideology. Neither that solution should cause much harm for people in the ideology, nowadays, as far as I know. There is also good job done.

I ask to have a direct dialogue about the change and it’s implementation.

How I see it, is that people have done job for cutting victims off from the beginning of the game. It is the time just to take the job done so far to the end. I have been a game for several years front of people’s eyes. It is a mystery why people are accepting it and why they are taking part of it. But I’m glad that there are people who have changed, with their own actions, the game they are playing to be a step more reciprocal and honest.

Now it’s time to start to take the game to the end.

There are and will always be people who don’t share the values and means of the system people have created. People can be part of the ideologies but they should not use other people for it. The system people have created is based on elements, structure and doings which I don’t accept. Personally I think that by accepting I would be compromising too much also with the other’s well-being and understanding.

I ask to have the f2f dialogue about the change with Yerk, if possible. Thank you.

Anna

I urge:
1. Physical (also neurophysical) self-determination for everyone used by the ideology: concrete solution.
2. A clear and simple procedure and tools to deny and report, for people asked to drug people.

About the trust

I’ll write a lot about trust in the future and how I think about being trustworthy or being trusted.

I think that trust is not anything that you could take. It’s something that is given or shared. Trust is an inner picture from the world, the person and/or the situation. Picture is usually based on combination of facts, assumptions and pure believings.

It’s possible to be untrusted and trustworthy or non-trustworthy and trusted at the same time. The other one is what you are. The other one is what the others or you think you are, and what they or you think that is ‘being trustworthy’.

I can say that people cannot trust me being always on time. And when they don’t, it’s probably because I’m not always on time (at least not in their scale). They probably can trust more that I will more likely be late.

In my current situation I can trust that most of the people don’t want to harm people. I think that I can also trust that many of them are ending and will end up to do it anyway because of the manipulation.

And I can trust that there are people who are decreasing manipulation. I trust on that because of their impact in the situation. And I trust on that also because I think I’m one of them. But could I trust on myself in that?

The best way to be trustworthy is to be trustworthy. I prefer usually more to be trustworthy than to be trusted – when necessary and possible to decide between those. Then I can at least trust on myself – to be trustworthy to the others and that way to myself.

But can you trust that I’m trustworthy when I say that I prefer more to be trustworthy to you than be trusted to you? That’s more depending on your trust on what I say. That is more about your picture – based on the combination of facts, assumptions and pure believings.

So, being trusted and being trustworthy and to trust are not the same thing. What would I ask from people is that what ever, do they trust or not and to whom they trust or not, they would do they best to be trustworthy – also and especially when they look at themselves.

Anna

No eating 2

I’m still having hangover. I have tried to eat, corn cakes and fruits. Eating makes hangover worst, even though I think that the food I have eaten now has been clean. Why do I think so? Usually you can recognize drugged food when you eat it and the first symptoms start directly or quite soon after, even though the rest of the symptoms can follow later. It was the same with the muesli bar. I was stupid when I decided to eat it anyway.

Now when I’m eating, the hangover comes with very, very long delay even though it’s related to eating. And it takes a lot of time. But the overall hangover generally doesn’t get worst even I have got a little bit of pains. That’s why I think that I haven’t got more doses after muesli bar even though I don’t know this drug and all it’s effects yet. But I can say that it’s harmful and I don’t think that it’s again just one “accident toxication” in this shit.

I severely ask people to focus on drugging system they have created. System which has promised already been vanished several times before. People in the system are not “good doers” or people who are “spreading happiness” or fixing wrong people or wrong kind of lifes. They are people who are drugging people, druggers. People who are taking orders from people who are wanting them to act such way. And it’s not good.

Orderer’s status or size of a dick doesn’t change it.

Beating the nearest or the most visible orderer doesn’t change anything neither, because that person can be also similar way “taking just orders” or may even have an idea about the greatest ideology in the world or even worst, possible “enemies” of the ideology or anything other. And secondly the system is usually created such way that people would start to beat each others or silence criticisms or focus to do anything else than actually solve the system or to think what they have actually done and why.

I urge:
1. Physical (also neurophysical) self-determination for everyone used by the ideology: concrete solution.
2. A clear and simple procedure and tools to deny and report, for people asked to drug people.

My message is addressed to everyone involved.

Anna