I have been drugged last time yesterday. That was a cocktail of several drugs. The dose was not high but very noticeable. One of the ingredients was a drug that I’m calling as an ‘angry drug’, one of the side symptoms is irritation and one is sound sensitivity for sounds of certain frequency.
That drug has had two different versions, also version which makes, beside the sounds, also all the colours and forms to look too bright, sharp and coloured. The drug has promised to been shelved first time in July 2015 by the people who, for a reason or another, had an idea that they are good doers.
It hasn’t been shelved.
But that drug doesn’t cause also the problems of sight that I had yesterday evening neither the ‘hang over’ which I’m having right now, the day after. Drug cocktails has been quite usual recently. Not healthy.
I haven’t eaten today yet, but because I was also drugged day before yesterday (different cocktail), I can assume that I’ll still be drugged several times. At the moment I have a cup of coffee next to me. Haven’t taken a sip yet. Don’t know do I.
During these years I have asked direct dialogue from many people involved. I have asked it by written and by spoken, I have asked it directly and indirectly. So far I haven’t gotten it so I’m continuing with my monologue – continuing waiting dialogue and keeping my monologue going on. I have already gotten more reciprocity and honestly than earlier, so I’m positive. Situation is not easy but people are making effort and finding new forms to express themselves.
I don’t personally think that all that has been done during these game could be opened now, maybe never, but I think that the current situation and people’s doings could be improved and it has been improved from the past situations. It is also very necessary. Now I’m not talking just about the leading characters, I’m talking mainly about basic, ordinary people. Solutions hardly ever really lies behind the power.
I have written often about control. I don’t personally like that nowadays so many are ready to take more high level control decisions than low level control decisions. I think that that kind of direction leads to rising amount of control. What I mean by that is that for example a dialogue, if it’s truly honest and sincere by every participants, is not much about control but more about freedom. Freedom of knowledge and openness. But now people are more likely to do high level control, drugging, hiding data, even open violence, than having a pure, naked and honest conversation about themselves.
Everyone involved are having their impact to the situation. That’s why I’m trying my best from my part to be more open. It has become more easy again now when the amount of drugs and hidden violence and threads toward other people and me has been more decreasing than increasing for now. It has been decreasing linearly, amount as a whole, even I have kept my mouth open. That’s a new thing and a good job. Thank you all working behind that.
I haven’t have ‘normal’ unmanipulated communication or truthful human contacts for more than two years because of the project. People’s project with my life has, as a whole, taken four years for now. During the years I have asked people to tell or write down why do they have the project, their own personal reasons in themselves. I haven’t gotten the answer, except from one person – a gesture which I appreciate a lot – he told about himself. The project is not made for true honestly, which makes that gesture even rebellion, which is sort of funny.
Why am I in the project? What are my own reasons? So far I don’t have options, that’s the first reason. Inside the tight limits and borders created by people’s behavior I’m making choices and acting in a way which I consider the less wrong from the options I have inside the project. One is trying to create a possibility for people to not to be other’s projects.
One more of the reasons is to reduce and prevent rising violence and control and try to offer also from my part other options to develop the situation as much as I can inside the limits made by the other’s and inside the limits of my own skills and values (-> combination, result of interaction, the current ‘freedom “in” / out from/of‘).
Project with my life is used too much also for the intentions which are not good, even there are still people trying to change it, which is and has been important. People are doing good job but I don’t think that keeping the project on would truly effectively support change and new perspectives – at least not giving change for me.
Time to shut down the broadcast and end the project. I’ll continue my monologue here in my blog. It will eventually transform to a truthful face to face dialogue with someone when possible. I’ll write in the future about control and freedom, of course – my usual subjects, but also about sex and love…
P.S. I took a sip. It’s seems to be clean. Thumps up that I’m right on that.